I still haven’t got round to…

There’s an endless list of films I need to see. It’s a long sprawling list rancid in genre’s, era’s and recommendations from friends. I thought I’d share 10. Feel free to recommend others, slam these, correct my perceptions etc.

1.Outland (1981) Dir. Peter Hyams

Sean Connery in what I’ve been told is essentially High Noon in space. I’m after more ‘Western in Space’ films so if anyone can think of anything let us know. The wonderful worlds of Cowboy Bebop and Firefly have already filled my eyes with childlike glee.

2.Yojimbo (1961) Dir. Akira Kurosawa

On a daily basis it crosses my mind that I need to see this film. I feel bad I haven’t, especially as I’m a major fan of A Fistful of Dollars (1964). I caught a viewing of Seven Samurai at Slackspace over the summer and lapped it up like the filthy, unworthy dog I am.

3.The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Ate Some Matches and The Girl Who Drove a Cadillac Into a Swarm of Locusts (2009+) Dir. Niels Arden Oplev, Daniel Alfredson, David Fincher

Being a typical white man, I’ll attempt to read/watch/listen to the original before anything else (if possible). This has led to a minor pickle with these films. First I’ll read the books, then I’ll have to watch the 2009 films and now because David Fincher’s behind it I’ll have to watch the 2011 film…Eventually.


4.Gummo (1997) Dir. Harmony Korine

Recommended to me by a decent little artist, I know nothing about it except it's supposed to be good, weird and it’s an independent film. This has led me to assume it will feature long shots, realism, a lot of nudity, drugs and abuse (sexual and psychological). It might be a comedy.

5.Naked Lunch (1991) Dir. David Cronenberg

Posters cool. Honest, that’s why it’s on this list, I hope the designer lives in a castle.

6.Fantastic Planet aka La Planète Sauvage (1973) Dir. Rene Laloux

I like animation. I really, really like animation. Before the sun collapses and sucks in all the cartoons created I hope to have seen the venture.

7.Must Come Down (?) Dir. Kenny Riches

Alright there’s not really anyway I could have seen this film as I don’t think it’s finished yet but it could easily slip past me if I’m not careful. I’m hoping it’s a film about people I can care about with some decent laughs in it. Oh and Ashley Burch stars.

8.Detective Story (1983) Dir. Kichitaro Negishi

A Japanese noir where the lead performance has been an influence on Spike Spiegel from the Bebop Bebop. That makes it a must see for me.

9.Niagra (1953) Dir. Henry Hathaway

Last year I was introduced to Some Like It Hot and as a result the late Marilyn Monroe. Up until then I saw her as that face you see next to Elvis and James Dean, statues and prints spoon-feeding me a pseudo-nostalgia I cant identify with. But 5 minutes into her screen time and my brain flipped: ‘Oh, I get it now’. Her comic delivery is superb and I’ve been told she has some solid acting props so it figures I should check out her other films. Niagara was recommended to me by self confessed Marilyn nerd Heather Alexander and being a Noir seemed a good place to start.

10.Godzilla (1954) Dir. Ishirō Honda

Ent seen it. Which I don’t understand how, I like monster movies, old school effects and well, Godzilla. He’s a huge fuck-off sized lizard that breathes fire and wrecks cities. We should be drinking buddies.

50 Things To Do When Your Bored

1. Make a list
2. Delete your phone book, enjoy the mystery of your calls/texts
3. Print your own money
4. Level Grind
5. Slap a Nun
6. Complain to Dominoes about pizzas you haven't ordered
7. Kick a Pig
8. Stab an alarm clock
9. Play Detective
10.Cross dress
11.Shave a dog, put it in a buggy and inform everyone it's your baby
12.Start a fire
13.Wear gloves on your feet
14.Eat an onion raw
15.Stalk a celebrity
16.Mispronounce French words, swear to everyone you're right AKA The Cream dilly Cream
17.Confess to a crime you didn't do
18.Conspire
19.Loose your wallet/purse
20.Play Godzilla, construct a model town out of cardboard and wreck it
21.Wear all your clothes at once
22.Rollerblade on a skateboard
23.Pitch terrible film ideas to major companies
24.Practise your ransom letters
25.Knock on a jehovah witness' house
26.Stare at the ceiling
27.Upload an acoustic cover version to youtube (don't bother learning it well)
28.Make soap
29.Get your board games. Swap all rules and pieces, play the new games
30.Give racism a whirl
31.Cover yourself in cushions and quilts, roll down stairs
32.Watch busy people, bask in your smugness
33.Bake a lavish cake, smash it
34.Go look at penguins (the animal not the chocolate)
35.Have a nap
36.Make papier-mâché replicas of your favourite Jazz musicians
37.Find a woods, pretend to bury a body. A nervous disposition around passers-by helps
38.Find a woods, actually bury a body. A decent shovel helps
39.Stop, look & listen
40.Construct your own lightsaber
41.Action dive over your sofa, if a sofa is unavailable a neighbours wall will do, if a neighbours wall is unavailable consider yourself blessed
42.Answer the phone with a new accent
43.Befriend a stray dog
44.Research the fruits of foreign lands
45.Make a blunderbuss
46.Visit an elderly relative, feign interest in their day
47.Colour in the carpet
48.Drop three coffee mugs: An instant puzzle
49.Make a lasso out of shoelaces, catch and raise mice
50.Absent-Mindedly organise itunes while debating masturbation

Dr Neo Cosplay

Another night of low budget costume nonsense has descended! The theme was Heroes and villains, and there was no way I was going as hero. But the villain? Who was I to be? Madvillain? Dr. Doom? Could have me bonnet mopped and wander around as Herr Starr?

Then a thought entered my head, or rather a letter, a consonant in fact and a capital one to be precise. DR NEO. CORTEX!

Of course! This yellow bastard has claimed many an hour of my childhood so it's kind of fitting that he should have an evening of my Adulthood. Most of the costumes pretty basic, sides the marigolds I'd used most of it before. The head took me awhile, it's made out of cardboard and Papier-mâché Sirius' wig and a healthy dose of paint. We mascaraed the what was left of my fabulous movember and covered myself in yellow paint. I woke up looked at my yellowing fingernails and was convinced my liver had failed my for the last time.

The only thing we had to buy for the Bandicoot was orange paint, sadly most people only worked out what the hell he was when we were together. Most thought he was some kind of stripper-cat.

We fort it'd be funny to take a photo like we were myspace girls from 2005, it wasn't.